I Smiled...

Today began as a hard day. 

I was supposed to work from home which I did until about 11:30am when the resident evil known as Time Warner Cable had an outage in my area.  There went my internet!  I gave them 30 minutes to get things back online after I reported...at Noon, I had NOTHING BUT STATIC!  So there I go, getting dressed and heading out to Panera Bread.  The first Panera was slam packed...so I go to the one near my old place.  Busy but not packed...folks grabing the grub and heading out...left me a primo table in the corner.  The guy at the counter hooked me up with lunch...thank you dear!  More spending money for the weekend. 

Now I am neck deep in working and working hard when a gray Jeep Cherokee pulls into a parking space near my window and catches my eye.  Out of the Jeep comes a cute older man...maybe about 65.  He had gray hair and a face that carried remnants of great attractiveness peppered with lines of experience.  I wondered to myself just how handsome was he "back in the day".  I watched as he walked around to the passenger side of the Jeep and opened the door.  Out popped the cutest little lady.  She probably was a little younger than the driver but seemed to walk with her own personal spotlight.  She was absolutely beaming.  The driver shut the door, hit the remote lock and instinctively reached for the woman's hand.  They made their way toward the door...hand in hand...talking...smiling...laughing a little...engulfed in their own spotlight of warmth and love.  He held open the door and escorted her, her hand in the crook of his arm, to the counter where they disappeared from my sight.  I sat there...a little overwhelmed at how beautiful and wonderful that sight was to me.  I caught a slight smile on my face that apparently had moved in sometime during my voyeuristic episode. 

It made me think how great that would be to have that kind of love and respect for someone else and from someone else in my life...shucks...in ANYONE'S life.  It's funny how two complete strangers...totally oblivious to my existance...made such a HUGE impression on my day...on my way of thinking!  Just lets you know that you never know who sees you...you never know what kind of an impact you are making.  So as you stomp through life...add a smile to your face.  Hold that door open for the next person.  Acknowledge graciously that there is a world outside of your arm's length.  Have joy and share it!    And to think...

...today began as a hard day.

OK - I admit it...

...I lost it last week!  I am even more upset with myself that I let the actions of a few idiots impact my generally happy attitude to the degree it did.  (See the previous post.)  Honestly, I still have a hard time believing that a good man is out there... at least one with my name on him! :)  But you know, that's fine.  I was a complete woman before I met these folks and I will remain one and will be one despite their attempt to take part of me. 

Don't get me wrong...I am VERY open to receiving a good guy into my life.  Although I cannot say I have really ever had one, I miss having a good guy in my life.  My past record with men is horrible.  What you have seen in the previous post is not the worst of it nor all of it.  Considering the men that I have been involved with it is amazing that I even would be willing to be in a relationship...ever again!  I had a guy friend that was there during a lot of the mess years ago...and he would constantly say he could not figure out why I still had anything to do with men at all!  You know Greg, I am still asking myself that! LOL! 

Now I have had good guys in my life as friends.  (Usually until the wife/girlfriend got jealous about the relationship even though NOTHING was going on.)  SO I know those good guys are out there...they just are destined for someone else.  It's cool.  I have no problem with the fact that it appears that I am not supposed to have a real, good, loving relationship with my soulmate. 

When I was younger, I always thought I wonder what would happen if my soulmate was killed or died before we met.  Would God have a backup soulmate for me...is there a second string in relationships?  Do you go without your true partner in life and settle for second best...unknowingly?  Is that why so many of my girlfriends are single or suffering through horrible relationships or settling on lesbian relationships?  (which is not an option for me!) Do soulmates really exist or are they products of our ability to be flexible and applying ourselves like putty into the lives of others...filling in all the emotional holes? 

Maybe there are no answers to those questions.  Maybe we are supposed to go through life and just fall into our place and hope for the best.

Wonder if I am in my place...

In My Opinion...

I am beginning to believe that men are a waste of time.  They lie...they claim that they are different when there could be NOTHING farther from the truth.  They are incapable of having a relationship with anyone who is not a leech or needs to be rescued every 5 seconds...or a woman who doesn't need her bills paid.  My place in this world is not to be your concubine...your girl on the side or your slut.  I cannot believe women have allowed their sons to be that disrespectful of women!

I always thought that being independent and able to stand on my own were qualities that a REAL man would desire.  The more I bring to the table the farther along we are in achieving our common goals.  I guess that is not true.  I will NEVER apologize for being the successful and independent woman that I am!  I guess I am only on the path of the insecure men that feel threated by my skills!  That is too freaking bad!

So if you fit what I have said here and are a weak, fleeing man and you get upset...that is too bad.  If you are a REAL, strong man who is willing to have a woman beside you and not leaning on you to be carried through life, then I am your girl!

If you do not fit my preferences and you know what they are, don't waste your life telling me about the "errors of my ways".  Will you get upset if I do not spend EVERY waking minute in your face...then bye.   Think that I cannot live without your emotional bondage...wrong! 

I have said it before and I will say it again  I would rather be alone than with the wrong one!  So you are gone...that is good.  My back is strong but not strong enough to carry a weak man!

Thought for Today - 10/03/05

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.

                                                                           Ralph Waldo Emerson